The Best Day!

"Praise God from whom all blessings flow, praise Him all creatures here below.."

I often share my worst days and my dire need for prayer, but today I had the best day!

My twin sister was downtown this morning because she thought her internship started today, but it actually starts tomorrow. Since she has a class at 5pm downtown as well, she offered to come help me at work instead of going all the way home just to come back later. She was such a blessing! She was there all day and did nearly all of my filing. You have no idea what a great relief this is for me. I've been swamped at work and the piles of papers needing to be filed have been growing and multiplying. Plus it was tons of fun confusing my co-workers. Either we'd be sitting at opposite sides of my desk and they'd do a double take or she'd be in the break room shredding papers and they'd mistake her for me.

And, Lord willing, it looks like I'll be able to take off first week of January (during Christmas break) to visit the Vuletics in Croatia!!! I was determined to go no matter what, but it'll be so nice to go while we're closed rather than leave my boss short handed and playing a lot of catch up when I return.

Lord is so gracious, far better to me than I deserve.

Lunch

I had lunch with Nathan and Susan today. It was such fun and such great fellowship. Single, engaged or married we are all Christians living this life in light of eternity. Sometimes my discontentment with being single is seeing everyone else couple up and my relationship with them change, but the truth is that genuine friendship (not crushes) can continue between marrieds and singles. I am blessed beyond measure. The Lord has surrounded me with more love than I could get from any one relationship.

Same Song Different Verse

I've wanted to get married, but I've been looking for someone who will fulfill my needs and share my vision for ministry. This isn't necessarily bad, but it's not good for me either. I wonder if the single men I know could be "the one" for me, instead of thinking about whether not I am best suited to be a helpmate in their lives and the vision that the Lord has given them. The difference may be subtle, but it's there. If I'm going to marry it is because the Lord has created me to be a helpmate. If I don't marry, all I need is for the Lord to help me be content in him, to fill me with his love so that I don't feel unloved. He has blessed me beyond measure with friendships rooted in love. I need to stop believing the lie of this world that just because I'm single, I'm somehow unlovable. If I'm looking for love in someone else, I'm bound to be disappointed. No man can satifsy me need to be loved. Only Christ can satifsy.

Croatia - Encouragement

I just spoke with Sarah & Stevo. The Lord is good! It encourages me to see the Lord at work in their lives and reminds me that there are greater things to think on and pray about then my momentary troubles. Sarah is an encouragement to me as well. We can both lift each other up in prayer. I must remember to pray for Daci. She's having trouble sleeping. She's afraid. I can relate. I'll think of her when I'm awake at 2am.

He is Everything I Need

The Lord is everything I need and yet I neglect Him the most.

Nehemiah 9:15
15 You gave them bread from heaven for their hunger and brought water for them out of the rock for their thirst, and you told them to go in to possess the land that you had sworn to give them.

Psalm 33:15
15 He made their hearts, so he understands everything they do

Psalm 33:20-22
20 We put our hope in the Lord. He is our help and our shield. 21 In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. 22 Let your unfailing love surround us, Lord, for our hope is in you alone.

I'm Already Dead - What I Learned From Harry Potter

Because I'm already dead, death has no hold on me. And if I cannot die, the things of this life pale in comparison

Galatians 2:20
20I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Since I'm already dead, the things of this life pale in comparision to eternity.

Acts 20:24
24But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.

I have lost my life, and yet I've never felt so alive

Matthew 16:25
25For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.

God's Gonna Get Ya

The Lord wants everyone to come to salvation thru Christ. He is not willing that anyone should perish.

2 Peter 3:9

The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.

Most of my family are not believers. This is heartbreaking for me. I've been praying for them for years to no avail, or so it might seem. While none of them have accepted Christ, I can certainly see the Lord at work in their lives. I am most confident that Adam will come to know Christ, probably because his situation is the most heartbreaking to me. He was raised in the LDS church and their twisting of the gospel has most certainly contributed to his current lack of faith. It's most heartbreaking to me when such moral, well intentioned folks misrepresent Christ. Whether now or in 50 years, the Lord is going to save him. Adam could fight it, but he might as well surrender now because as I always say, "The Lord always wins, so why do I insist on fighting with Him."

I'm a Churchgoing Believer

"We are not churchgoers, but we are believers."

I won't judge whether one can truly be a believer if they don't go to church. Afterall, going to church doesn't make you a believer any more than going to Paris makes you French, but I will say that a believer who doesn't attend church is missing out on the joy, comfort, and discipline of fellowship with other believers. I know that in eternity we'll meet others who did not have the option of going to church. Imagine what they will think of those who just didn't want to go.

Suffering & Disappointment in Ministry

2 Corinthians 1:8-11
8For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. 9Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. 10He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again. 11You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many.

This passage is such joyful reminder of what we will all face in some form or another as we strive to live out the gospel and how essential it is that we continually lift up one another in prayer. I use the word joyful because we need not lose hope even when we despair because we need only to rely on and put our hope in the Lord who will deliver us.

That's A Good Problem!

I wrote the following in November 2005. These thoughts came to mind today when I once again found myself wondering just how Russian and Russia will play out in my life. There are days when I want to hop on the next plane and then there are days when I look around and see the need for Christ in my home town. What's the point of studying this language, if I'm content to serve Christ right where I am? What's the point of staying here, if the Lord has given me a desire to continue studying Russian? The truth is that I don't know what His plans are. All I can do, my greatest desire, is to serve Him daily wherever I am. If at the end of my life, all this studying has been in vain, there are certaninly more frivolous things I could have spent my time on.



That's A Good Problem! - 11/16/2005

 

Last night at the shower, Abby (who is also studying Russian) told me about this HBO documentary on the children of Leningrad, specifically those who live in the metro stations. She asked me if I wanted to go to Russia to help these children (or something like that). We could hook up with two full-time Campus Crusade missionaries which WABC helps support in Moscow. I told her I wasn't sure if I could just take off like that. She asked if it was my house holding me back. No, I could rent this place out tomorrow ($400/month + utilites sound good to anyone?). My problem is that I love my job.

Later last night I seriously lamented this fact. Do I really want to back to Russia, if I'm not willing to just drop everything? I questioned what's keeping me here. Do I truly view my job at Phoenix Christian as a ministry, or am I just not willing to give up a paycheck and the comfy life I'm accustomed to.  Is it fear or conviction that's keeping me here? I tell everybody else that the Lord will bless whatever path they choose as long as their ultimate desire is to serve Him (Prov. 16:3). Doesn't this also apply to me? Yes, it does.

Do you know what my real problem is? My "problem" is that Lord has given me more than one avenue for ministry. More than one desire of my heart. More than one way to find fulfillment in service to Him. That's not a problem, that's a blessing. Maybe after a couple of years, my desire to go to Russia will win out over my desire to serve Him at PC. Who knows, but whenever it happens (as Laurie pointed out tonight), I'll feel conviction instead of anxiety, and while the decision will change my life, I'll be ready to jump in with both feet.  I'm looking for opportunities, not obligations.

Proverbs 16:3

Commit to the LORD whatever you do,

       and your plans will succeed.

 

 

 

The Limitations of "What if?"

All the "what ifs" that go through my mind don't leave room for the Lord's grace and blessings. I stepped way outside of my comfort zone today and He was there at every step.

This morning I helped with Feed the Need. The group was much smaller than usual. Peter and I went to the park by the library. I enjoyed Peter's laid back style and praying with each man. One man sows and another man reaps, but God grants the increase. I don't need to focus on what I'm doing for the Lord, because the truth is things go so well when I just show up and let Him work.

Tonight I went to the House. Aaron taught from Thessalonians and then we split up in guy/girl groups to pray. I even went to afterhouse at the Kinkels and then to coffee plantation with Sarah, Dan, Katie, Greg, and Erin. It was all so much fun. I am truly blessed beyond measure.

I tend to over analyze everything, but my feelings aren't based in reality. I may feel ugly,lazy,and unloved, but nothing could be further from the truth.

Everything That's Fit to Print

I've finished importing from another blog. There are plenty of things that didn't make the final cut, plenty of things that I probably won't write about here. It's not because they're not important, but because they're too personal or too mundane or would simply reveal to much about my not-so-secret identity. And then there are things that are just no longer true, phases I've out grown. Kinda like a twenty five year old who doesn't need tell everyone she meets that when she was five she wanted to be a ballerina. If you happen to know me, go ahead and read. You can either read it now or in an email at 3am.

The First One

Grace is unmerited favor. That's the title of my blog and it's address because the truth of that statement defines my life. Christ has saved my life both now and eternally. What else can I do except to give it back to Him.

A Missionary Must Go

Written June 7, 2007

To (sort of ) quote John Piper, a missionary must go, but not that kind of must. Missionaries don't ask for money because they'll go, if they have enough. They ask because they are going. It's a desire that can't be quenched even in the face of often overwhelming personal needs that either will or will not be met.

This desire was lacking when I first thought that the Lord wanted me to go to Russia. I was willing to go out of duty, but not desire. Oh, I wanted to go in theory, but in reality there seem to be too many obstacles or things I couldn't go without. My first taste of such desire was when I wanted to come to work at Phoenix Christian. Even though there were many "what if's", I couldn't help but pursue it . And while money certainly seemed to be an issue, I knew that money couldn't be the reason that I didn't take the job. I knew that if I was offered the job, I had to (must, but no that kind of must) take it and that by God's grace the rest would work out. And it has. The Lord has provided abundately.

I used to think that buying a house and taking the kind of job that I could see myself doing for years to come was in some ways a giant step in the opposite direction of Moscow, but I know now that the lessons I've learned and the trust I've gained in the Lord will be invaluable whenever that unquenchable desire takes hold of me.

1 Thess 2:3-4 I Cannot Be Silent

Written Wednesday, June 06, 2007

1 Thessalonians 2:3-4
3For our appeal does not spring from error or impurity or any attempt to deceive, 4but just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts.

When I witness, when i tell other's about Christ, I don't do it to condemn them. I do it because without Christ we are already condemned. I gain nothing by speaking the truth, but I risk so much. Why would I take such a risk, if it weren't the truth. A true Christian speaks from love, not hate.

Blessings From the Lord

Written Monday, June 04, 2007

Psalm 84:11

11 For the Lord God is our sun and our shield.

He gives us grace and glory.
The Lord will withhold no good thing

from those who do what is right.

Those are words to live by. A promise to hold. God is not into withholding the desires of my heart. He does not enjoy watching me sqwirm, or holding things just beyond my reach. He is allowing me to learn that I can trust in Him.

Pray For Me

Written May 27, 2007

I want to focus on Him, I want to desire Him, and yet I am so easily distracted. I often settle for entertainment over edification and food over fulfillment. My spirit longs for edification and fulfillment while my flesh seems to be only interested in the quickest way to satisfaction. Only these things don't satisfy. It's like giving a thirsty man salt water. His throat may no longer be dry, but his thirst not quenched. The salt causes his thirst to be even greater than before.

I know that nothing satisfies like Christ, not just because His word says so, but because I've experienced the truth of these words first hand.

Added June 6, 2007:

John 4:10, 13-14

10Jesus answered her, "If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, 'Give me a drink,' you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water." 13Jesus said to her, "Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, 14but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty forever. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."

The Lord is awesome and His word is true. Nothing Satisfies like Christ!

Someone Special

Written May 13, 2007

My mom's family had breakfast for Mother's Day this morning. My aunt asked me if there's anyone special in my life, to which I responded, "Yes, there are many special people in my life. There's no one in particular, but they're all special to me." I surprise even myself when such a simple truth slips out of my mouth. My life is simply filled with lots of wonderful folks who are all a true blessing from the Lord.

OWC - April 23rd

THE WORSHIP OF THE WORK

"Labourers together with God." 1 Corinthians 3:9

Beware of any work for God which enables you to evade concentration on Him. A great many Christian workers worship their work. The one concern of a worker should be concentration on God, and this will mean that all the other margins of life, mental, moral and spiritual, are free with the freedom of a child, a worshipping child, not a wayward child. A worker without this solemn dominant note of concentration on God is apt to get his work on his neck; there is no margin of body, mind or spirit free, consequently he becomes spent out and crushed. There is no freedom, no delight in life; nerves, mind and heart are so crushingly burdened that God's blessing cannot rest. But the other side is just as true - when once the concentration is on God, all the margins of life are free and under the dominance of God alone. There is no responsibility on you for the work; the only responsibility you have is to keep in living constant touch with God, and to see that you allow nothing to hinder your co-operation with Him. The freedom after sanctification is the freedom of a child, the things that used to keep the life pinned down are gone. But be careful to remember that you are freed for one thing only - to be absolutely devoted to your co-Worker.

We have no right to judge where we should be put, or to have preconceived notions as to what God is fitting us for. God engineers everything; wherever He puts us our one great aim is to pour out a whole-hearted devotion to Him in that particular work. "Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might."

Response

Written Sunday, April 29, 2007


The following is a response to an email I recieved regarding my last entry. I often email my most meaningful entries to my friends. The quotes are from "My Utmost for His Highest"

The Lord is so good! I read that in Utmost yesterday too (I have the classical edition which is slightly different than the version you quoted), though the thoughts have been on my mind for a while.

"We imagine that we have to reach some end, but that is not the nature of the spiritual life. The nature of the spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty, consequently we do not make our nests anywhere."

In short, we're not home yet. For me, the question of marriage is about how much I should be "nesting". My thoughts aren't really about singleness vs. marriage, but rather about how to live this life in light of eternity.

"Immediately we abandon our lives to God and do the duty that lies nearest, He packs our lives with surprises all the time."

No one knows this better than I. As much as I stressed and agonized about it, I honestly thought I'd be in Russia before I had any sort of career. "When we become advocates of a creed, something dies. We do not believe in God, we only believe our belief about Him" I was so focused on what I thought He was going to do, that I was blind to what He was doing and who He is. I agonized over buying this house and taking the job at Phoenix Christian (quite the opposite of hopping a plane to Moscow). And yet the surprises have been full of blessings.

I would not believe it if I were not living it. But like I said before, things didn't work out because I made all the right decisions, but rather because God is just that gracious.

If I remain single, He will there and He will bless me with opportunities to serve Him.
If I marry, He will be there and He will bless me with opportunities to serve Him.