A Slave to Righteousness

Written Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Romans 6:15-19
15What then? Are we to sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! 16Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness? 17But thanks be to God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed, 18and, having been set free from sin, have become slaves of righteousness. 19I am speaking in human terms, because of your natural limitations. For just as you once presented your members as slaves to impurity and to lawlessness leading to more lawlessness, so now present your members as slaves to righteousness leading to sanctification.

I've expected the Christian life to get easier, but there is nothing easy about slavery. Don't get me wrong, there is certainly joy to be found in a life lived for the Lord, certainly more than a life lived for the fulfillment of sinful desires, but I always thought that if I truly loved the Lord that tasks set before me wouldn't be tiresome at all. However, work is still work. For instance, as much as I love my job, as much as I find joy in it daily, there are tasks that I don't want to do, things I rather not be burdened with or bothered by, but when I took the job, I agreed to the whole package, not just the things that I find fun or interesting.

Romans 7:4 - 6
4Likewise, my brothers, you also have died to the law through the body of Christ, so that you may belong to another, to him who has been raised from the dead, in order that we may bear fruit for God. 5For while we were living in the flesh, our sinful passions, aroused by the law, were at work in our members to bear fruit for death. 6But now we are released from the law, having died to that which held us captive, so that we serve not under the old written code but in the new life of the Spirit.

So it is with the Christian life, there are parts of it that will always be work. A Christian works not to gain salvation, but because salvation has already been given through Christ. I used to think that this meant that a Christian is so full of the joy of his salvation and the power of the Holy Spirit that good works just naturally overflow and spill out of him. While there is some truth to this, this is certainly not true of all (or even most) of one's works. Some work takes real effort. Some tasks are completed, not out of joy, but because we've become slaves to righteousness, because we've been redemned by a new Master. All works are still the result of salvation, some come from the joy within us and others come because, like it or not, Christ has given us new marching orders.

The difference between salvery to sin and slavery to righteousness is that any work done for Christ will eventually (at the very least in eternity if not here on earth) result in joy. On the other hand slavery to sin, even if temporarily pleasurable, ultimately leads to death, both here on earth and in eternity.

So, if I know all of this to be true, why is it still a struggle to live for Him instead of sin? Paul put it better than I ever could:

Romans 7:15 - 25
15I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. 16Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. 17So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. 18For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. 19For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.
21So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. 22For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, 23but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. 24Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.

Thoughts of the Moment

Written Saturday, November 25, 2006

I want somebody to love, to comfort, to encourage. I want somebody who will do those things for me. I want somebody is not afraid of a fight, both with the world and with each other. If marriage truly is a reflection of Christ's relationship with the Church, it's not always going to be pretty. If I wrestle with my husband has often as I wrestle with the Lord, there will even be times when I hate him (or at least think I do). Do I really want to get married? In my relationship with Lord, the saving grace is that He is God. He is faithful even when I am faithless. In marriage, both of us are sinners and while we are certainly called to be faithful, what happens when both of us are faithless? That's when we cling to the Lord and ride out the storm because if we don't we'll tear each other apart. And that is what happens. That's why the divorce rate is 50%. This is not surprising. What is surprising is 50% that hang in there.

The Spirit is Like the Wind

Written Sunday, November 12, 2006

John 3:88
The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound,

but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going.
So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.

The Spirit cannot be easily explained. It's like that famous quote regarding pornography, "I cannot tell you what it is, but I know it when I see it." I cannot explain the depth of the friendship that I have with each of you, but I do know that when I'm with you I often feel like I've been near God because it is His Spirit that unites us more than anything else. It's His Spirit within each of us that enable us to share the joy of our salvation as well as the ability to extend the forgiveness, grace, and mercy that are required for friendships among sinners such as us to thrive. In this age of technology, one could easily worship the Lord without setting foot outside the house. Just tune-in to K-LOVE and download a sermon. And while you'd certainly avoid conflict and commitment, you'd also miss out on care and camaraderie.

A Prayer for the Vuletics

Colossians 1:9-12
9And so, from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, 10so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. 11May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, 12giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light.

Father,

Please continue to give Stevo and Sarah wisdom and understanding concerning your plans for them and their children in Croatia. Give them wisdom to know what you have for them to do and understanding to carry it out daily in big and small ways. Help them to reflect You in everything that they do.

Keep them honest in a culture where so much is done under the table. May their honesty show that You can be trusted even when the consequences are unfair. Our actions show people much more about who You are than our words ever could.

Lord, keep Stevo and Sarah and Nina, Datci, and Marco close to You, keep them in Your word. Remind them to norish themselves even when, especially when, daily life can be so demanding. Give them strength and health so that they can endure the hardships and inconviences and unexpected events with joy because they know that nothing is unexpected to You, that You know already know the days that lie ahead of them and that you have already provided for them, that they will have what they need, when they need it.

Most of all, fill them with thankfulness for their salvation in Christ because we know that it's for this reason that You have called them to Croatia, so that others will also share in the eternal inhertitance that You have so graciously bestowed upon us!

Amen.

Glorifying God

One of the major themes in the kids' sunday school lessons is that man was made to glorify God, to show the world how special He is. I've been thinking a lot about this lately. Some people will tell you that God is only glorified when we are prosperous, but that's not always true. Prosperity can turn a man from God just as much as proverty can tempt a man to steal and therefore defame God.

John Piper spoke at WABC today. One point really caught my attention. God can be glorified by what He gives a man and by what He doesn't. If one is capable of glorifying God without wealth or even such basic things as food and clothing, than the Lord might choose to give this man poverty. But to the one who is not capable of being hungry without defaming God, He must give him food. That sounds wrong, but it helps us to better understand what Jesus meant in the following verses:

Matthew 6:25-34
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Some will read this and think that thefore, if we have faith, we will be prosperous. But really God has only promised to give us what we need, what we need in order to glorify Him, as little or as much as that might be. It reminds me of one of my favorite verses in Proverbs:

Provebs 30:7-9
7Two things I ask of you;
deny them not to me before I die:
8Remove far from me falsehood and lying;
give me neither poverty nor riches;
feed me with the food that is needful for me,
9lest I be full and deny you
and say, "Who is the LORD?"
or lest I be poor and steal
and profane the name of my God.

I've been reading Money, Possessions and Eternity and the more I read it, the less I want and the more dependant I want to be on the Lord for my daily bread and the more I see just how temporal earthly treasures are.

The Widow's Offering - Mark 12

 

Mark 12:41-44
41And he sat down opposite the treasury and watched the people putting money into the offering box. Many rich people put in large sums. 42And a poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which make a penny.43And he called his disciples to him and said to them, "Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. 44For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on."

I've just started reading Money, Possesions and Eternity by Randy Alcorn. In the first chapter he compares the poor widow (Mark 12) with the rich ruler (Luke 12). The Lord granted me an insight in to the example of the poor widow that I've never thought of before. Jesus' point is that one's faith and generousity is not measured by the amount given, but by the trust that is implied in the sacrifice. The bigger the sacrifice the greater the trust. Jesus is of course correct, but that doesn't mean that the amount that the widow gave is insignificant. I used to think that if one gave away all that they had, their offering would be the same as the widow's regardless of how much, but that's not necissarily true.

 According to my bible, the two coins that she put in were worth 1/64 of a denarius (one days wage). For me that would be equivalent to $1.56 (before taxes). The scriptures say that this was all she had to live on. $1.56 might feed me for a day, but after that I would starve to death. This is vastly different than if one were to give away his last $1,000.00 ( or even $100.00) There's no point in taking to this widow about saving for her future, when what she has won't even last a day. Her desperate situation encouraged such faith because she knew that her "wealth" could not possibly sustain her. Unfortunately, most of us aren't as lucky, we have just enough wealth that we can fool ourselves into thinking that we just might be okay as long as we don't do anything crazy or give too much away.

 

 

 

Reading Romans

 

I just read all of Romans in one sitting. It's awesome. The Lord is glorious and gracious and merciful and wonderful and soveriegn and awe-inspiring.

Bible Study Fellowship is studying Romans this year, from begining to end. We're up to chapter 3. These first fews chapters have once again convicted me of my own sin. There's no doubt that I am a dirty rotten sinner and I fully deserve God's wrath and judgement.

Romans 3: 20
20For by works of the law no human being will be justified in his sight,
since through the law comes knowledge of sin.

Yep. The law was put into place to bring about knowledge of sin. Despite our best efforts, the law doesn't bring righetousness, but rather thanks to our sinful nature, it leads us to sin even more.

Romans 7:7-8
 7What then shall we say? That the law is sin? By no means! Yet if it had not been for the law, I would not have known sin. I would not have known what it is to covet if the law had not said, "You shall not covet." 8But sin, seizing an opportunity through the commandment, produced in me all kinds of covetousness. Apart from the law, sin lies dead.

Fortunately there is GOOD NEWS! God has graciously provided us with a righetousness apart from the law and our works.

 Romans 3: 21-25
But now the righteousness of God has been manifested apart from the law, although the Law and the Prophets bear witness to it-- 22 the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe. For there -is no distinction: 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, 25whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God's righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins.

Tonight I challenged myself to read the entire book of Romans because I wanted to remind myself of our hope in Christ and there it was before I even got to chapter 4 and yet Paul continues for a total of 16 chapters. He's already presented the message of the gospel. What more could there possibly be? Well, Paul spends the rest of Romans expanding on the gospel,  warning us against the foolish conclusions that our sinful flesh would like to make about the gosple, such as an excuse to sin, and encouraging us present ourselves as living sacrifices to the Lord. In short, I could have only one book of the Bible, Romans would be it. How fortunate are we, that we have all of scripture :o)!!

There are many reasons that people refuse to believe in Christ. The number one reason would have to be that they refuse to admit that they are sinners. They'd rather work their way to heaven than to lay down their pride. When we judge others, we're merely pointing out their particular sins, rather than pointing them to Christ.

 

 

Feast or Starve

"When a man is born from above, the life of the Son of God is born in him, and he can either starve that life or nourish it."
-Oswald Chambers

A Blessed Life

We've been studying proverbs on Thursdays and the more we read them, the more I realize just how blessed I am, how true the word of God is.

Last night we were studying about work, wealth, greed and giving. I'm blessed because I love my job. I am blessed because I don't just show up for the paycheck. I'm glad they pay me because I couldn't afford to work there otherwise, but I would honestly work for free if I could afford to. I am blessed because the Lord taught me early that it all belongs to him anyway, that wealth that comes into my hands should also be used to bless others. I am blessed because I know that the Lord will provide for my every need regardless of the balance of my savings account. Exactly what we do with our money is not as important as the faith behind it. I'm very present focused. While I do have a retirement plan, I don't have much else laid up for the future. I prefer to give it away today, because I might not be here to put it to good use tomorrow. On the other hand, it's not wrong to save for the future. A single man can buy a larger home in anticipation of 4 or 5 kids. It's the faith behind the action that matters. Personal preferances aside, we're simply called to be good stewards.

 

What is compatibility?

What is compatibility? - 8/2/2006

compatible: capable of existing or performing in harmonious, agreeable, or congenial combination with another or others: compatible family relationships.

If this the case, I'd venture that 95% of society is compatible with one another if even on the most basic level.

So how much compatibity is necessary for a maritial relationship? Society and e-harmony would have you believe that this level of compatibility is complex and depends on similarilty and/or identical answers to numerous and varied questions.

I beg to differ. The pusuit of this narrow-minded compatibilty is to be in search of the male version of myself. I don't want to be with someone so similiar to myself. That would get so boring after a while, plus the man I marry today is not likely to remain unchanged over a lifetime. The extrovert might best suited for an introvert. A gormet chef could get along well with someone whose palitet is no more sophisticated than spaghetti and microwave popcorn. A rock climber could find bliss with a bookworm. These people would take the other outside of themselves, showing the other a world that they might not have otherwise known.

Unfortunately, most people aren't looking for a marriage that will change them and challange them, but rather a partner whose similiarties validate the person that they already are. And that makes sense. A marriage of opposites would require not only greater faith, but truly a love that is based not on personality but on a covenant. Don't get me wrong. My husband must be a Christian and he must desire to reach all people for Christ and be willing to follow Him wherever He might lead us, but past that I'm not too particuliar. I'm looking for some to challenge me, not just to agree with me.

The Wide Gate vs. The Narrow Gate

Before the guilt was gone, this passage was very confusing and condeming. Basically, lots of us (Christian or not) were going to Hell and only a few would find eternal life. The retreat this weekend led me to read the Sermon on the Mount again, this time with greater understanding and confidence in my salvation through Christ.

 Matthew 7:13-14
13"Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. 14For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.

 The gate which leads to destruction is wide because there are thousands upon thousands of ways to sin, to fall short of God's glory and thousands of lies which, for those who believe them to be truth, will only lead to Hell.  The gate which leads to destruction is easy because sin doesn't ask anything of you, it doesn't ask you to change.

The gate which leads to life is narrow because there's only one path, the path of Christ.  The gate which leads to life is hard because Christ wants all of you, He requires that you die to yourself and live for Him. And unfortanutely only a few find it, because so few of us are willing to even start down this path.  And ironcially the very change that discourages so many from this path is not even attainable on our own, but is rather the work of the Holy Spirit who comes to live in us in order that He might chip away at the hardness of our hearts.

Just so you know how far my understanding has come and above all, how faithful and patient that the Lord is with me, the following are a couple of journal enteries which I wrote on this very same subject over 3 years ago.  While my thoughts aren't all wrong,  the difference just astounds me. In my confusion, I saw the narrow way as simply a narrow view of Christianity.

--------------

(July 2003)

Matthew 7:13-14                       

13"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."

Luke 13:23-25

23Someone asked him, "Lord, are only a few people going to be saved?"

24He said to them, "Make every effort to enter through the narrow door, because many, I tell you, will try to enter and will not be able to. 25Once the owner of the house gets up and closes the door, you will stand outside knocking and pleading, 'Sir, open the door for us.' "But he will answer, 'I don't know you or where you come from.'

 What is the narrow way?

 Some people think that the narrow way is defined by good deeds and religious works. That if you follow a certain pattern, you're one the right path, the narrow way.

 While going to church, tithing, working in the nursery, visiting the sick, etc. are a part of a Christian's life, doing these things doesn't make you a Christian any more than living in Russia would make me Russian. Just like our heritage, being a Christian is something you have to be born into. Hence the term 'born again'.

 John 3:3

 In reply Jesus declared, "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again."

 How is one 'born again'?

 John 14:6

 Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

 So, the question isn't really what is the narrow way, but who is the narrow way. The answer is Jesus Christ. He has to come into your heart. You have to let Him change your heart. You can know all about Him, but that's not the same as knowing Him.

 I can't say who's  Christian and who isn't. Only you can know that for sure. Only you and God know what's in your heart. Whether you've truly been born again or whether you're just going through the motions.

 Being a Christian isn't like joining a club. Membership won't get you into heaven with the rest of the crowd. That's the broad path. The narrow way is defined by having a relationship with Him, one on one. And a relationship with Christ is about so much more than heaven and hell.

------------------

(April 2003)

The way is narrow because faith in Christ is personal. It's something you have to experience for yourself. Someone else's testimony can help, but they can't give you faith.

 The way is narrow because it's not about following the crowd no matter how good the crowd's intentions may be, not matter how strong their individual faith may be.

 On the narrow path there is ONLY room for YOU and CHRIST. It's the most personal thing there is.

Greater is He!

1 John 4:4
4Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.

Literally translated the Russian version says:

Children! You are from God, and you have conquered them; for He, who is in you, is bigger than he who is in the world.

My first thought was: That's right! My Lord can beat up Satan (said in the same tone as " Oh yeah, well my brother can beat up your brother. NA NA NA)

 

 

 

The Paradox of Life

I love being part of the community at WABC were everybody knows my name and they're always glad I came (CHEERS!) and yet tonight, I just wanted to be part of the crowd, to focus solely on worshiping the Lord. I didn't even want to say hello to anyone.

Foreign missionaries spend so much time, energy, and study assimilating to a foreign culture, just to get the point that I'm at when I walk out my front door. I used to wish that I had a more normal life, that my parents were still married, that my father wasn't gay and that I could have gone to Christian high school. And yet because God works all things together for good, I find that my life experience makes me much more suited to minister to my own culture than I would be had I actually gotten to live the sheltered life that I longed for.  I can now see that it's entirely possible that Russia isn't the place were God wants me to minister, that the ordinary life I didn't want, may not be so ordinary after all.  And yet every time I closed my eyes yesterday I found myself in Moscow during that summer. Five years ago, I wasn't 26,  I didn't work at PC nor was I member of WABC, instead I was 21, still in college and anxious about my future, but no amount of anxiety could steal my joy about finally being in Russia, a place I'd been yearning to visit since I was 14.

I want to give all of my life and all that He has given me back to the Lord. I actually wish that my provisions truly were daily and yet I'm blessed beyond measure (both spiritually and physically). I even have a retirement fund with a $50.00 payroll deduction and company matching.

I want to live in obedience to Christ to bring glory to God and yet I don't want anyone, most of all myself, to think that I'm righteous. I might do righteous things or a have a few unselfish moments from time to time, but any righteousness one might see in me is the light of Christ shining through this cracked pot.

My mother is back in the hospital. It's not serious (I hope). She has fever and Lord willing she'll be back home in a few days. I fear that she'll spend eternity without Christ, more than her actual death. I find myself wishing that He'd made salvation simpler, that He'd made himself undeniably evident to the world. I know that we are His creation and that He is certainly free to do with us whatever He wishes and yet I wonder why He made eternity without Him even an option. Why allow me to love my parents if this life may be all we have together.  And yet I know that He couldn't have made salvation any simpler, that faith in Christ is both the least and the most that we can do. And that He's made himself so evident that everyone in eternity will be without excuse. It's because the decision for Christ is so simple, so personal, and so life changing that I can't make that decision for anyone else.

These paradoxes are not bad, they just make life what it is, they're what it means to be human, to be a Christian in a fallen world.

 

Denominations & The Body of Christ

I define myself simply as a Christian. That title alone (the mark of a follower of Christ) is an honor, a responsibility, and privilege. While I don't wear this title perfectly, I strive to do so with the grace, humility and perseverance modeled by Christ. In the past few years, the Lord has led me to call non-denominational churches my home. All I look for in a church is biblical truth, grace, accountability and fellowship. The actual denomination makes no difference to me. My ultimate relationship is with Christ.

I wrote those words in July 2005 shortly after I began attending WABC. I was reminded of them during Bible study last night.

Did you know that there are 22,000 Christian denominations in the world today? Is this a good thing? No. While some denominations were created to up hold the truth of scripture (as is often the case when a denomination splits over issues of doctrine), others are formed around issues of culture and worship styles.

Why are denominations detrimental? Take the Episcopalian church for example. One local body petitions for a homosexual minister to be ordained. One governing board (made up of individuals whose opinions may or may not represent the denomination as a whole) approves his ordination. Now the whole Episcopalian denomination has been tainted. If this one local body weren't part of the Episcopalian church, it would just be seen as one church (and certainly not the only one) that is straying from scripture. Instead, the Episcopalian church will probably split over this issue.

The other danger in denominations is that believers tend to identify more with their denomination than with the body of Christ as a whole. Christ wanted us to be one as He and the Father are one and yet some believers are often more interested in the church that I attend than the Lord whom I serve.

"I would be, as I hope I am, a Christian. But for those factious titles of Anabaptist, Independent, Presbyterian, and the like, I conclude that they come neither from Jerusalem nor from Antioch, but from Hell or Babylon."
-- John Bunyan

"Father Abraham, whom do you have in heaven? Any Episcopalians? No! Any Presbyterians? No! Any Independents of Methodist? No, no, no! Whom have you there? We don't know those names here. All who are here are Christians..... Oh, is this the case? Then God help us to forget party names and to become Christians in deed and truth"
-- George Whitefield

"Though I am an Episcopalian by birth, I yet feel such a oneness and sympathy with the cause of God at large that nothing would be more delightful than communing once a year with every church that holds the Head, even Christ."
-- William Wilberforce

I grew up in a Methodist church, and though I left that particular church over its departure from scripture, I don't look down on the denomination as a whole, though I might be more cautious before joining another Methodist congregation. I then spent six years at a Presbyterian church and though I never officially became member, it was there that I began to learn what it truly meant to be a member of the body of Christ at the local level. After moving to Chandler, I was a member of a large non-denominational church (2,000+ members) for 2-3 years and though I made plenty of friends and loving acquaintances, and while my relationship with Christ and His church did mature over that period, this particular congregation proved to be much too big for me. Church service and other activities often felt more like a large family reunion than Sunday dinner. It was too easy for me to just blend in. When I moved back to Phoenix, the Lord placed it on my heart to find a smaller congregation and then He faithfully led me to WABC. While, WABC has roots in the Apostolic denomination, it is now much more non-denominational. I don't attend WABC just because it's non-denominational, but rather because Christ is the center and scripture is its foundation.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not asking that people abandon their denominational church, just their allegiance to it. May our allegiance be to Christ alone!

 

Precious Grace

May I never forget that I am sinner saved by grace. I would rather keep struggling than to overcome these trials and temptations and somehow think that it was because of my own will power and determination.  May the Lord remind me daily that all glory belongs to Him!

 Romans 7:21-25
21So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. 22For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, 23but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. 24Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.

2 Corinthians 12:8-10
8Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. 9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

When the Guilt is Gone

The guilt is gone. My own attempts at righteousness have failed. If He's going to seperate the sheep from the goats, well I'm a goat. There's just no other way to say it. I'm a sinner saved by the grace of Christ. He has given me life and all I want to do is give it back to Him. I've finally surrendered. I've laid all the guilt and the shame at the foot of the cross. I've laid all of my desires, dreams and expectations there as well. This not my home and with the strength of Christ I journey on toward my final destination, my heavenly home. Life is so daily now. I approach each day as an opportunity to show His love to others. It's not about what I can do for the Lord, but what the Lord can do through me. All responsibility is His. His yoke really is easy and His burden really is light.

Eternal Perspective & Daily Life

Eternal Perspective and Daily Life - 4/30/2006

The Lord's Prayer - Eternal Perspective and Daily Life.

Matthew 6:9-13

9"This, then, is how you should pray:
" 'Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
10your kingdom come,
your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
11Give us today our daily bread.
12Forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
13And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.

It's been said that the Lord's Prayer is a model for how we should pray:

Adore him, submit to His will, make your request, ask for forgiveness and guidance.

While this model is not wrong, let's not forget the beauty and meaning of the actual words. God is to be reveared and His kingdom and His will should be my ultimate desire. Life is daily and my concerns should be much more daily than they are. I'm not promised tomorrow, nor do I know what tomorrow will bring. If God provides just enough to sustain me each day, I should be content with that. As it is, He provides me with more than enough. I'm a sinner in need of forgivness and I always need help forgiving others. Temptations, the desires of this word, often distract me. Only Christ can save me from Satan and myself.

What is Forgiveness

God commands us to forgive others as He has forgiven us, but just what is forgiveness? The Bible does not provide a definition of the word. The dictionary gives the following definitions:

1 a : to give up resentment of or claim to requital for <forgive an insult>
b : to grant relief from payment of <forgive a debt>
2 : to cease to feel resentment against (an offender)

Synonyms: forgive, pardon, excuse, condone
These verbs mean to refrain from imposing punishment on an offender or demanding satisfaction for an offense.

How do you know when you've forgiven somebody. What does forgivness mean for your relationship? I used to think that forgivness meant allowing the relationship to be restored, to allow yourself to be vulnerable in that relationship again, but now I'm not so sure. If you lend somebody your car and they crash it, does forgiving them mean that you would lend them your car again? Not necessarily. While people are more important than possessions, not your lending your car doesn't mean that you haven't forgiven them. You can feel no ill will towards them, you can refrain from punishment and still not lend the car again. After all, they've proven to you that they don't know how to drive.

What does forgivness mean in abusive relationships? Do you go back to the relationship? Probably not. But if you continue to habor hatred, the bitterness will eat you alive.

I suspect that there's no yardstick for proving forgivness that would apply to every situation. The truth of forgivness can only be known by God and one's self. If I have not forgiven someone, may the holy spirit convict me of it and tell me what I need to do, what I need to give to God. We need not judge whether someone else has forgiven those that that sin against them, how can we possibly know?

Jim Elliot

I'm been reading a biography of Jim Elliot all day. It's awesome. Lord is flooding me with insights.

"Jim realized that he had been depriving himself of some of the blessings which God had given him to enjoy richly"

"If he was going to enjoy life, he would enjoy it tremendously. Bible study and prayer, though still playing a major role in his daily routine , did not have to consume every spare moment".

Jim spent his first few years at Wheaton College so engrossed in the Bible and whatever else might prepare him for mission work, that he shunned most other college experiences. However, at one point he realized that austere attutide that he had adopted was inconsistent with our freedom in Christ.

I too can admit that until recently, I was very hestitant about any good thing that came my way. I was never reading Scripture enough, nor praying enough, nor studying Russian enough. By surrendering my life and all my future expectations to Christ, I too am enjoying this freedom. The television is back on, but it doesn't have control over me. When I'm bored I can easily turn it off now. My appetite has decreased dramatically, but I'm not counting calories. I'm enjoying my home, my job, and Whitton like never before. God has blessed me indeed!

"...he [Jim] came to realize that, in the long term, his real work would be to train Ecuadorians. Only Ecuadorians would be able to reach their own people and present the gospel. Whatever Jim did would only be a begining, a link to the real work. He had to look for ways to help Ecuadorian Christians share the truth with their fellow countrymen."

My eyes light up when I read these words. It reminds me of and confirms the excitement I felt about being able to support the Aleeyev's as native missionaries in Siberia. As much as I have a heart for Eastern Europe, I'm still privileged American. It would be naive of me to assume that I can completely understand and sympathis with the average Russian. I'm so glad that Jim was not so arrogant as to think that he was there to do something that the natives wouldn't eventaully take over.

"The clinic was the newest and the best of the buildings; having to tear it down so soon after its construction was heart-wrenching."

The most frustrating part of any mission work or ministry is when we feel like we're not accomplishing anything. Jim was often frustrated at the daily tasks, crisises and his lack of language skills that kept him from preaching the gospel. God knows the obstacles that any ministry will face long before we met them head on, they frustrate us, but not His plan. That's why we need to make the most of each task, crisis, or set-back. These are our only opportunities for ministry until the Lord makes His plan come to pass.

I've also learned a lot from Jim's steadfast desire to know the Lord's will in every situation. After graduating from college, Jim spends a couple of years at home, waiting on the Lord to direct him. During this time he does have different, if temporary, opportunities for ministries. Jim does not take these opportunities, fearing that they will distract him from his goal of foriegn missionary work. At one point he even recieves word of a position in Ecuador but still he waits on the Lord.

I can't judge Jim. Right, wrong or simply different, his desire was to serve the Lord as Jim felt that He was leading him. However, I would done things differently. I might have taken those temporary opportunities and I definitely would have inquired about the position in Ecuador right away. Because I've questioned what His will is at times, I've learned that His will is not that complicated. If I want to move, and he provides me the opportunity, I should go ahead and move. If want I to work at PC and He has them offer me the job, I should take it. If I want to change churches, if I feel lead somewhere else, I should make the change.

These are all decisions that I seriously struggled with in the last year. I was terrified of making a mistake. And yet these things have all worked out so well. But it's not because I made right decisions, it's because I wanted my choices to honor and serve the Lord. At least the last two, but the move has definitely been good for me and neccessary for other reasons. These things worked out because the Lord "causes all things to work together for the good of those who love Him".

While it is important to seek God's will, I think we can spend too much time seeking His will and not enough time simply seeking Him. Most, if any of our decisions, are not destiny related. Christ has saved my soul and saved me from myself. If heaven is my final destination and the Lord my ultimate desire, I need not be so concerned about the particuliars of this earthly life. If the desires of my heart are not contrary to scripture, then perhaps these desire are closer to his will then I've ever imagined.

WABC Member Testimony

Edit - June 27, 2007: My actual testimony wasn't this long or indepth (if I remember correctly I started with, "My challenge today is to sum up a lifetime with Christ in ten minutes"), but the points remain the same.

My testimony doesn't have a great epiphany, there isn't one single moment that I can pin point where I crossed over from being an unbeliever to having faith in Christ. I was raised in a church not unlike this one. Thanks to Sunday school and the children's sermon, I could tell you that Jesus loved not only me, but the entire world, from a very early age. However, it wasn't until I was about 12 that I desired to know God and perhaps gain some understanding instead of just knowing about Him. It was then that Matthew 7:7-8 came alive for me. 7"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. Four years later, while at bible study at my friend Julie's house, on my 16th birthday, I made my first confession of faith. While I had always known that Christ had died for my sins, until that day I hadn't accepted Him as my personal Lord and Savior.

My testimony could end here, but the Lord had so much more in store for me. After high school graduation, I followed Julie to Bible College in Oklahoma. It was there in a small town in the Bible belt that I first heard a sermon all about fire and brimstone. I've been told that such sermons are supposed to lead to repentance, but not for me. I WAS PISSED! That preacher had just told me that my entire family was going to hell and he'd practically mentioned my father by name. I left in the middle of service, went back to my dorm room and started railing at God. He gives us free will, but if we don't do what He wants, He's going to have a tantrum and throw us in hell. Just who does He think He is? Like a child who feels she's been cheated at game, I gathered up my toys and come back home to Phoenix.

I came home an emotional unstable mess, plagued by depression and anxiety. I spent the next few months on couch, not wanting to live, but even more scared of death. Bible College had destroyed my faith, or so I thought. But like a 5 year-old who runs away from home for the first time, I looked around and realized that I had no place else to go. I felt like Simon Peter in John 6:67-68 67"You do not want to leave too, do you?" Jesus asked the Twelve. 68Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. 69We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God." I realized that while I was still angry, frustrated, confused, and depressed, at least I was still talking to God even if I was screaming at Him most of the time. I wasn't losing my faith, but rather, as it says in Philippians chapter 2, I was “working out my salvation with fear and trembling.” (Phil. 2:12) It is for this reason that I can be glad in times of trial. I have learned that the author and perfector of my faith does His best work during these times.

After the Lord gave me enough peace to get off the couch, I returned to school, this time at ASU, where I majored in accounting and minored in Russian. Whiled I enjoyed college, the thought of what I should do for the rest of my life was constantly hanging over my head. Even though I still wasn't sure whether I could trust the Lord and was often afraid of Him, afraid of choosing the wrong the path and having Him spite for the rest of my life, I knew that I wanted to serve Him. I just didn't know how. The closer I got to graduation, the more I felt like I was going to walk of the edge of a cliff. Much to my surprise, I didn't walk off the edge. The Lord did in fact provide for my every need. I moved in with my father and started working in the telecom industry. But I wasn't happy. The house was always a mess and though I learned a lot about the talents that the Lord had given me, my job was very stressful and to top it all off I was lonely.

In November of 2004, the Lord began to change everything. At Thanksgiving, I decided that my father and I needed to get serious about finding a duplex or I needed to move out. It was his choice. In March of 2005 we actually moved to 28^th St. and Oak. In May, I changed jobs and became the bookkeeper at Phoenix Christian High School. While you might look at these blessings with joy, I was also wracked with guilt. I felt like I'd taken the easy way out. If I was really serious about following the Lord, I should have left everything and gone to Russia instead of making a more comfortable life for myself. That was until I started attending Whitton in June. It was then that I started to realize that perhaps Lord had plans and a purpose for me right here in Phoenix, Arizona. Not only has my relationship with Him continued to grow, but I've also been blessed to form new friendships with others who share my passion for missions, outreach, and the hope and power of the gospel.

Even with all of this, I didn't truly learn to trust the Lord until very recently. I've been struggling to live with grace for quite some time. I didn't want to abuse grace, but I didn't want to become legalistic. On the Monday before Easter, I'd finally had enough with the struggle. Tuesday morning during prayer I finally fell on my face before God and admitted that after 10 years, I was still a sinner saved by grace. My own attempts at righteousness have failed. That same night, He began to reveal other changes that he might have in store for me. After a year full of changes, I had really hoped that He was done, that perhaps He had led me to a final destination, a place where I could faithfully serve Him serve Him for the rest of my life, but has Christ says in Matthew chapter 8, such a place does not exist for the followers of Christ. Matthew 8:18 – 20 18When Jesus saw the crowd around him, he gave orders to cross to the other side of the lake. 19Then a teacher of the law came to him and said, "Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go." 20Jesus replied, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." If I truly want to serve Him everyday, I must be open to whatever changes and directions He has in store. As a follower of Christ, heaven is my only final destination and not a particular occupation, nor relationships, nor church, nor ministry, nor city, nor country. You see, while I had accepted Christ has my savior, I hadn't completely surrendered my life to Him. I wanted to serve him, but I wanted to do it on my own terms. However as it says in Matthew 16:24 -25 24Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25For whoever wants to save his lifewill lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. In other words, I'm still walking towards the end of that cliff, but this time I more than willing to dive into whatever task He lays in front of me. As it says in Acts 20:24, I now “consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace. As a member of Whitton Avenue Bible Church, I'm excited to continue working along side each of you in the fulfillment of this task. And whether I call this building my church home for 30 years or another 3 months, I know that the bonds and friendships that the Lord has formed here will continue to spur me on in this journey until I reach my final destination, my heavenly home.

Touchstones

I am not a patient woman. And yet the Lord has an abundance of patience with me. He gave me this glimpse, this green light, even though He knew that I would over react (at least a first). Regardless of where I think that the Lord might be leading me, life is still daily.

The truth is, I don't KNOW exactly what His plans are. I don't KNOW that I'm going to Russia. When I say this, what I mean is "I'll follow the Lord wherever He leads me, whether it's down the street or around the world".  If I'm too focused on this vision of my future with Him, I'll miss too many of the daily opportunities to serve Him and be His witness.

I'm thinking of Sarah and Stevo and their vision of Croatia. They've put a lot of faithful action into this vision and yet their life is still daily, filled with opportunities to witness to their neighbors and their friends. I think that a lot of our disappointment depends on how locked in we are to the way that we think life is going to turn out, or how we want it to turn out. For all we know, the Lord could change Sarah and Stevo's direction tomorrow and yet that's not to say that this vision of Croatia would have been wrong, or useless or for nothing. The Lord knows exactly what He's doing.

It's pointless for me to even try to run out ahead of Him. When I look back on my life, I can see His fingerprints all over it:

I can see Him asking my mother to send me to Phoenix Christian.

I can see Him leading me to Central even when I didn't want to go.

I can see Him when Christy suggested that I take Russian. I can see Him as I walked into class that first day, met the marvelous Dr. V., and found a God-given passion for this language that would help carry me through high school and college.

I can see Him introducing me to Julie and to her family who have adopted me so well as one of their own and who continually spur me on in faith.  I can see him during that bible study on my 16th birthday.

I can see Him in Bartlesville and how He used all of that doubt, confusion, anger and frustration to draw me closer to Him and away from my own understanding. Elissa is sitting in my living room right now. He really did use Oklahoma for my benefit and His glory.

 

I can see Him with me at ASU even during (especially during) the anxiety attacks

 

I can see Him in Moscow during that summer, how he changed my perspective and gave me a global perspective and a love for Eastern Europe and His people there.

 

I can see Him introducing me to Adam even when He knew that my 13 year-old crush would be distracting. I can see how He used my questions about the Mormon faith to deepen my understanding of Christ and true Christian doctrine.

 

I can see Him during my last year at ASU when the closer I got to graduation, the closer I felt to the edge of a cliff. I liked college because it offered me a four-year plan (or 5 1/2 years), a buffer from "the rest of my life".

 

I can see Him at Standard Parking as I worked in that parking booth and spent my days devouring scripture and Russian.

I can see Him asking me to leave that job, to put in my two weeks notice even though my car insurance was about to come due and I didn't have any other job prospects. I can see Him during that entire WEEK of unemployment.

 

I can see Him at Inter-Tel as I discovered that He truly has given me a talent for and enjoyment of accounting. As stressful as my job was, I was really good at it and with the help of my co-workers and insights from my boss; I was able to improve not just my performance, but the job itself.

 

I can see Him on the night that I learned of the job at Phoenix Christian. I can see Him as I inquired about the position from my cell phone in the parking lot during one of my regular “let's try to de-stress” walks around the building. I can see Him when I decided that even if I didn't get this job, that I wanted to leave telecom

 

I can see Him as I told my boss this, fully expecting her head to spin, only to have her say, “I knew weren't staying forever. You told me from day one that you were going to Russia and if this brings you closer to that, you have to go.” God Bless Holly! It's like she knew that Russia is code for “I'm following the Lord whenever and wherever He leads me”.

 

 I can see Him on my first day back at PC, when I felt at home even after all these years. I can see Him in the joy in Susie's face the first time that she walked into my office. I can see Him in our 13-year friendship that has done so much to encourage my soul and strengthen my walk with Christ.

 

I can see Him as Larry walked into my office and told me about Whitton. I can see Him during my first Sunday, as I nervously introduced myself to a room full of strangers. I can see Him in the numerous friendships and Christian bonds that He has since formed. 

 

I can see him in the lives of both my parents and the healing that He has done. I can see that He truly does love all of us. That he cares so much for my non-believing parents. That He really did die for us while we were still sinners. 

 

The Son of Man may not have any place to rest his head, but the Lord has certainly given me plenty of places to rest, plenty of touchstones to renew my faith in Him.

Morning Prayer

WABC holds a prayer group on Tuesdays at 6am (in the morning!). I felt compelled to go. And I'm sure glad that I did. It was wonderful (better than coffee!) to spend an hour in the Lord's presence surrounding by others who were on their knees seeking His face and His will. It was awesome to hear the hearts of others as they poured out praises, concerns and questions before the Lord. While the group is open to everybody, this morning it was all men (with the exception of yours truly). I'm definitely coming back! That hour kneeling before His throne, invigerated me the rest of the day. "where two or more are gathered...."!

Made to Meet Our Needs

Mark 2:27-28

"Then Jesus said to them, "The Sabbath was made to meet the needs of the people, not people to meet the requirements of the Sabbath. So the Son of Man is Lord, even over the Sabbath."

 

 

God created the Sabbath because people need rest. How many of us don't rest until sickness or stress wears us out and forces us to lay up for a day? Those who choose not to observe the Sabbath (a day of rest) are only forfeiting God's provision for their needs. How many other areas in our life do we do this? God's commands are for our benefit and His glory, for when God's people are joyful and content (neither of these are quite the right word), He will be glorified!  

My mother is still in the hospital. She has a lung infection. She might be in the hospital for two more weeks. I went to see her on Weds. We made bead braclets with the art therapist. My mom really enjoyed it! Praise God!

Tithes

"Tithes can be the training wheels to launch us into the mind-set, skills, and habits of grace giving"

- The Treasure Principle, Randy Alcorn

This is certainly true of me. I struggled with tithing until the Lord asked me to give 12% and to commit to giving it first instead of waiting to see what was leftover. I thought He was crazy, but I was already broke, so what's the worse that could happen? The best things did. I learned to trust Him. A year later, He asked me to give 15%. I did so without a second thought. My tithe is now 10% , but my total giving is actually somewhere between 15% - 20%. Not only is it impossible to outgive Him, but it's all His money anyway and there is no other place that I'd rather invest it.  Laurie says that I should be more amazed at my simple life. I suppose, but I was given the gift of generousity long before I ever made any real money. I'm not sure I'd even know how to spend it all on myself. Now, that's a blessing! Some people think that Christians don't have to tithe. Even if that's true, I tithe because I want to. That 12% certainly did develop the habit and desire of grace giving.

A Christian Life

I don't want to just live a Christian life, a life similiar to those around me glossed over with Christian values no matter how geniune one's faith might be. I want to be a true discpile of Christ, living in this world, but not of it, focusing on Him and awaiting eternity. This is not to say that I won't continue to love others, as that is exactly what Christ would want me to do!

Titus 2:11-14

11For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, 12training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, 13waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, 14who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works.

Philippians 1:20-22

20I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. 21For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. 22If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know!

The more I let go, the more hope I have, the less I worry about tomorrow or next year or the rest of my life. This day is my life, and I'm not to worry about tomorrow as the rest of the world does. Sure, if I live another 50 years, I would like to marry and have children at some point. I would like to live in Russia. But these things are not the point. The point is to live each day awaiting Christ, yearning for eternity more than grandchildren and your 50th wedding anniversary. There's a song with the line, "I've never been so homesick now".  May each trial and trouble simple make me yearn even more for the day of the Lord. May each blessing remind me of His love and may I view it as an opportunity to bless others. Sure, supporting Sarah and Stevo and the Aleevs' may seem like a stretch, a leap of faith, but the truth is, I have been blessed with more than enough. I refuse to let future temporal worries keep me from investing in eternity for others.  

Freefalling

Life with Christ can be like an acrobat falling from high above. You're not sure how far or how fast you will fall, but you can be certain that the net is there, that it will catch you eventually. Falling is not failing, it is letting go. My insecurities are fading. "That's not the point". If being in love is not the point of a covenant marriage, what other points have I been missing? While the Lord does love me and desires to give me an abudant life, possesions are not the point. Retirement is not the point. The balance of my savings account is not the point. The point is to be a fool for Christ. Every decision is a leap of faith, but every decision made with Him in mind, is a leap you can be sure of.

Philippians 1:20-22

20I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. 21For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. 22If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know!

1 Corinthians 1:25

25For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength.

A.M.D.E.R.

 

A.M.D.E.R.

Abraham, Moses, David, Exile, Return

God is faithful

 God made an everlasting covenant with Abraham. He also made covenants with Moses and David.  God always keeps his promises. He is faithful. And yet God made these covenants with imperfect, unfaithful humans (now there's an oxymoron). God not only keeps his part of these covenants, but has fulfilled our part as well.  

 Genesis 17: 3-8

³ Abram fell facedown, and God said to him, ⁴ "As for me, this is my covenant with you: You will be the father of many nations. ⁵ No longer will you be called Abram ; your name will be Abraham, for I have made you a father of many nations. ⁶ I will make you very fruitful; I will make nations of you, and kings will come from you. ⁷ I will establish my covenant as an everlasting covenant between me and you and your descendants after you for the generations to come, to be your God and the God of your descendants after you. ⁸ The whole


land of

Canaan , where you are now an alien, I will give as an everlasting possession to you and your descendants after you; and I will be their God."

Leviticus 26: 14 - 17

¹⁴ " 'But if you will not listen to me and carry out all these commands, ¹⁵ and if you reject my decrees and abhor my laws and fail to carry out all my commands and so violate my covenant, ¹⁶ then I will do this to you: I will bring upon you sudden terror, wasting diseases and fever that will destroy your sight and drain away your life. You will plant seed in vain, because your enemies will eat it. ¹⁷ I will set my face against you so that you will be defeated by your enemies; those who hate you will rule over you, and you will flee even when no one is pursuing you.

Hebrews 9:15

 ¹⁵For this reason Christ is the mediator of a new covenant, that those who are called may receive the promised eternal inheritance—now that he has died as a ransom to set them free from the sins committed under the first covenant.

 Breaking a covenant with God has consequences, and yet in His mercy, He has rescued and redeemed us.

 In his sermon, Chris mentioned the covenant that Erin and Greg made with one another at their wedding. Society really does have it turned upside down. And so do I. For the longest time, I wanted to get married because I wanted to be in love. I bought into the fairy tale, into society's reasons for getting married. I thought that being a Christian meant that I had a deeper more profound reason for staying married, because we would both being making a promise before God to be together until "death do us part".

 Don't get me wrong, marriage is good for family and society, but as Gary Thomas says in his book "Sacred Marriage", what if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?

 Marriage is a covenant between a husband and wife, a reflection of God's covenant with us, an arena in which we intimately live out love, sin, and forgiveness much like how God deals with each of us in our own relationship with Him. That's why the Lord hates divorce so much. If marriage is reflection of His covenant, how dare we walk away and tarnish His image?!  God would never break his promise. And the thing is that God made this promise with us, imperfect and unfaithful us! The reason that we make this covenant of marriage before God is because keeping up our end of it is not conditional on the other person. When we are faithless, He is faithful.

 Ephesians 5:22 & 25

²²Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.  

²⁵Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

 The above verse doesn't say "Wives, submit to your husbands as long as he love you" nor "Husbands, love your wives as long as she submits". Rather we are called to do these things as though we are loving and serving the Lord just as he loves and cares for us.

 Non-Christians get married every single day, but they don't enter such a covenant. And perhaps a lot of Christians don't comprehend this covenant either (I'm 25 and I didn't realize this until today!). It's not surprising that 50% of marriages end in divorce. What's surprising is that so many make it.  When I couldn't picture myself standing at the altar yesterday, it was because I'm not "in love", because I couldn't picture myself promising to love somebody forever. And that's because it's impossible. People give you plenty of reasons not to love them, not to be attracted to them, not to be head-over-heals in love.

 And no wonder He tells us not to marry non Christians! If you were going on a mission (and marriage is very much a ministry to the world around us and each other), would you want to bind yourself with someone who doesn't share the same view, the same goal? Of course not!  But that's not what society says. Society says that we can't help who we fall in love with, that we have to follow our heart, that marriage is the ultimate "next level" for such a feeling. I really don't need to hear about what the world has to say on this subject, because they've got it backwards.

 I'm no longer looking to get married because I want to be in love. That's like a buying a house because you like the paint on the walls. I'm asking the Lord to lead me to someone who I can enter this covenant with in order to honor and glorify Him. Like I've said before, I've got a love sick 13 year-old inside of me. Once the Lord makes it mutually clear who I might marry, I've no doubt that she will head over heals. 

What Do You Expect to Do? - OWC

The following entry was inspired by "My Utmost for His Highest" (Oswald Chambers, Jan 2nd)

Hebrews 11:8-10

⁸By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. ⁹By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. ¹⁰For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God.

"One of the most difficult questions to answer in Christian work is, "What do you expect to do?" You don't know what you are going to do. The only thing you know is that God knows what He is doing. "

"Have you been asking God what He is going to do? He will never tell you. God does not tell you what He is going to do— He reveals to you who He is."

I can say that I'm going to Russia someday, and while that might actually happen, it won't happen just because I want it to. If it happens it will be because the Lord ordains it. I can't accurately speculate what my future will hold, nor should I.  2005 was quite eventful and full of the Lord's blessings and lessons and yet I didn't see any of it coming.

"Each morning as you wake, there is a new opportunity to "go out," building your confidence in God."

James 4:13-14

¹³Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." ¹⁴Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.

It would be (and has been) so easy for me to live with tunnel vision concerning Russia, but the Lord wants me to take off the blinders and focus on what is directly in front of me instead of staring off into the horizon. I don't know what will happen tomorrow, or next month, or this year. All I can do is follow Him moment by moment.