God commands us to forgive others as He has forgiven us, but just what is forgiveness? The Bible does not provide a definition of the word. The dictionary gives the following definitions:
1 a : to give up resentment of or claim to requital for <forgive an insult>
b : to grant relief from payment of <forgive a debt>
2 : to cease to feel resentment against (an offender)
Synonyms: forgive, pardon, excuse, condone
These verbs mean to refrain from imposing punishment on an offender or demanding satisfaction for an offense.
How do you know when you've forgiven somebody. What does forgivness mean for your relationship? I used to think that forgivness meant allowing the relationship to be restored, to allow yourself to be vulnerable in that relationship again, but now I'm not so sure. If you lend somebody your car and they crash it, does forgiving them mean that you would lend them your car again? Not necessarily. While people are more important than possessions, not your lending your car doesn't mean that you haven't forgiven them. You can feel no ill will towards them, you can refrain from punishment and still not lend the car again. After all, they've proven to you that they don't know how to drive.
What does forgivness mean in abusive relationships? Do you go back to the relationship? Probably not. But if you continue to habor hatred, the bitterness will eat you alive.
I suspect that there's no yardstick for proving forgivness that would apply to every situation. The truth of forgivness can only be known by God and one's self. If I have not forgiven someone, may the holy spirit convict me of it and tell me what I need to do, what I need to give to God. We need not judge whether someone else has forgiven those that that sin against them, how can we possibly know?
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