Touchstones

I am not a patient woman. And yet the Lord has an abundance of patience with me. He gave me this glimpse, this green light, even though He knew that I would over react (at least a first). Regardless of where I think that the Lord might be leading me, life is still daily.

The truth is, I don't KNOW exactly what His plans are. I don't KNOW that I'm going to Russia. When I say this, what I mean is "I'll follow the Lord wherever He leads me, whether it's down the street or around the world".  If I'm too focused on this vision of my future with Him, I'll miss too many of the daily opportunities to serve Him and be His witness.

I'm thinking of Sarah and Stevo and their vision of Croatia. They've put a lot of faithful action into this vision and yet their life is still daily, filled with opportunities to witness to their neighbors and their friends. I think that a lot of our disappointment depends on how locked in we are to the way that we think life is going to turn out, or how we want it to turn out. For all we know, the Lord could change Sarah and Stevo's direction tomorrow and yet that's not to say that this vision of Croatia would have been wrong, or useless or for nothing. The Lord knows exactly what He's doing.

It's pointless for me to even try to run out ahead of Him. When I look back on my life, I can see His fingerprints all over it:

I can see Him asking my mother to send me to Phoenix Christian.

I can see Him leading me to Central even when I didn't want to go.

I can see Him when Christy suggested that I take Russian. I can see Him as I walked into class that first day, met the marvelous Dr. V., and found a God-given passion for this language that would help carry me through high school and college.

I can see Him introducing me to Julie and to her family who have adopted me so well as one of their own and who continually spur me on in faith.  I can see him during that bible study on my 16th birthday.

I can see Him in Bartlesville and how He used all of that doubt, confusion, anger and frustration to draw me closer to Him and away from my own understanding. Elissa is sitting in my living room right now. He really did use Oklahoma for my benefit and His glory.

 

I can see Him with me at ASU even during (especially during) the anxiety attacks

 

I can see Him in Moscow during that summer, how he changed my perspective and gave me a global perspective and a love for Eastern Europe and His people there.

 

I can see Him introducing me to Adam even when He knew that my 13 year-old crush would be distracting. I can see how He used my questions about the Mormon faith to deepen my understanding of Christ and true Christian doctrine.

 

I can see Him during my last year at ASU when the closer I got to graduation, the closer I felt to the edge of a cliff. I liked college because it offered me a four-year plan (or 5 1/2 years), a buffer from "the rest of my life".

 

I can see Him at Standard Parking as I worked in that parking booth and spent my days devouring scripture and Russian.

I can see Him asking me to leave that job, to put in my two weeks notice even though my car insurance was about to come due and I didn't have any other job prospects. I can see Him during that entire WEEK of unemployment.

 

I can see Him at Inter-Tel as I discovered that He truly has given me a talent for and enjoyment of accounting. As stressful as my job was, I was really good at it and with the help of my co-workers and insights from my boss; I was able to improve not just my performance, but the job itself.

 

I can see Him on the night that I learned of the job at Phoenix Christian. I can see Him as I inquired about the position from my cell phone in the parking lot during one of my regular “let's try to de-stress” walks around the building. I can see Him when I decided that even if I didn't get this job, that I wanted to leave telecom

 

I can see Him as I told my boss this, fully expecting her head to spin, only to have her say, “I knew weren't staying forever. You told me from day one that you were going to Russia and if this brings you closer to that, you have to go.” God Bless Holly! It's like she knew that Russia is code for “I'm following the Lord whenever and wherever He leads me”.

 

 I can see Him on my first day back at PC, when I felt at home even after all these years. I can see Him in the joy in Susie's face the first time that she walked into my office. I can see Him in our 13-year friendship that has done so much to encourage my soul and strengthen my walk with Christ.

 

I can see Him as Larry walked into my office and told me about Whitton. I can see Him during my first Sunday, as I nervously introduced myself to a room full of strangers. I can see Him in the numerous friendships and Christian bonds that He has since formed. 

 

I can see him in the lives of both my parents and the healing that He has done. I can see that He truly does love all of us. That he cares so much for my non-believing parents. That He really did die for us while we were still sinners. 

 

The Son of Man may not have any place to rest his head, but the Lord has certainly given me plenty of places to rest, plenty of touchstones to renew my faith in Him.