Purposes of Discipline (John MacArthur): Punishment (correction, not judgement), Prevention and Education.
Think about earthly parents. Rarely does a parent discipline (punish) a child in order to get pleasure out of a child's suffering. Parents punish in order to correct bad behavior, in order to prevent the consequences of our actions, and in order to educate us. Parents discipline us for our own good.
Take Job for instance. Job was "blameless, upright, fearing God, and turning away from evil (Job 1:1)" and yet God allowed Job to suffer as though Job was being punished. While Job didn't need his behavior prevented or corrected, Job did get a big dose of education about the Lord. The problem was that Job wasn't willing to accept this suffering from God because Job didn't deserve to suffer. "Job endured it, but he did not accept it, until, after two long lectures directly by God, he acknowledged that he did not need to know the reason behind everything that happened to him. God is soveriegn (Self-governing; independent) and omniscient (Having total knowledge; knowing everything) and omnipotent.(Having unlimited or universal power, authority, or force; all-powerful). What Job learned through his trials was not the reason for them but that God is supremely great and marvelous. He learned "things too wonderful for me, which I did not know," and confessed to his Lord, "I have heard of Thee by the hearing of the ear; but now my eyessee Thee; therefore I retract, and I repent in dust and ashes" (Job 42:3, 5-6). (italics, John MacArthur)
This suffering reminds me of my own experience with anxiety. Most people who struggle with anxiety will tell you that they don't know reason behind it, they can't tell you why they feel that way, why the what if's and insecurities keep racing through their mind. I knew exactly what my problem was. I was afraid of God. Scared that I wasn't using my life the way that he wanted me to.
The thing is that even after I made peace enough with God in order to get off the couch, I was stilled plagued by the kind of general anxiety that I couldn't explain. I thought that if I had more faith, I wouldn't feel this way. I didn't want to take medication because that meant I was weak and really didn't have any faith, plus I didn't want to be that girl who has take meds in order be normal. However, I reached a point where I didn't care what taking medication said about me. The suffering was so intense that I was willing to try just about anything just to feel okay again.
The meds didn't give me faith, but they did make it possible for my faith to grow. Anxiety was an ever growing downward spirial in my mind, a train of thought that I couldn't jump off of. Medication stopped the spirial, stopped my thoughts from constantly going to the extreme negatative outcome. Medication didn't stop the anxious thoughts, but it allowed me to look at the first thought rationally, apply my faith to it, and move on, instead of continuing on to the next 100 thoughts. However, I'm the worst patient when it comes to actually taking pills. Once I feel better I'll forget to take them. At first I'd have another anxiety attack within a day or two and then continue the meds.
The fortunate thing about anxiety is that it can be "cured" over time once you begin to think rationally and eventually the meds may not be necessary at all. In my case this meant that I was able to go weeks, and then months, and now years at time before I needed the medication again (It's been at least two years since I've taken meds). However, I was still very upset about still being plagued by anxiety at all. I began to be afraid of when the next attack would hit, as though it were lurking around the corner waiting to strike at any moment.
I continually pleaded with God to just take this away once and for all. I didn't want to live in fear of the next attack. Like Job, it was then that He revealed to me how soveriegn, omniscient and omnipotent He really is. He revealed to me that didn't I need Him to cure this in order to trust Him with it.
He revealed to me that even if I'm plagued with occassional anxiety attacks for the rest of my life, that the problem, like my earthly life, is only temporary. Even He won't cure it, He still knows all about it. And he knows when the next one's coming long before I do. It may be a surprise to me, but it's not to Him. Wherever He chooses to send me, however He chooses to use me, He already knows that the occassionally anxiety might be right there with me.
That realization came in April 2003 ( I actually had to search my diary for the exact time frame and it doesn't seem like that long ago. Two years ago next month, I actually graduated from college. A major milestone considering all of the anxiety I struggled with during college), and while there have been times when I still need to take the meds (but not for over a year now!), I no longer fear the anxiety, mostly because I stopped looking for the answer and started trusting God with it.
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